Category: gratitude

As I reflected on the day to honor fathers and read these words from Charles Stanley, I was reminded of what God instructs fathers to be and to do, “According to Scripture, the father’s responsibility is to lead his family physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Most dads work hard to provide for material needs, and many give the family adequate time and love. But how many are diligent to lead spiritually?”

I was saddened as I thought of my own father and perhaps thousands of others like him as he chose to withhold time and love, while also choosing not to fulfill the physical, emotional or spiritual needs of our lives. He lived for only himself. Over the years I have shared countless times that I honored my father because God imparts that to us, but I didn’t love or respect my father, due to the extreme physical and emotional abuse.

Dr. Rabbi HaLevi cites, “to begin with, it’s important to remember that the Hebrew Bible says, “honor your father. It doesn’t say obey your father. It doesn’t say respect your father. It doesn’t say like your father. It doesn’t even say love your father. Of course, it would be wonderful to feel love for one’s father, however, love is a feeling and feelings can’t be commanded. Some fathers are lovable. However, some fathers are not. For a myriad of reasons, they are outside the realm of our love: abuse, neglect, absence, abandonment, betrayal-many fathers have simply made it impossible for their children to feel the emotion of love or demonstrate it back.”

No matter how diligently I tried to be loved and accepted by my father, I received only rejection. Yet, I honored him. I would have cherished a “hallmark” father, but that was not a gift I was given. However, on this day as we reflect upon the men in our lives whom we call “Dad”, may we always esteem the love our heavenly father gives as no other can. Exodus 20:12 NKJ, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land…”

As I departed for church there were a few clouds in the sky, but it was dry. Minutes later as I was driving down the highway the winds blew, the rains fell, and hail dropped from the darkened sky. I quickly found a medical center and pulled in under cover, awaiting an escape from the storm, so that I could proceed to church. Believing it was safe enough to continue my drive, the rain remained relentless. After sitting in the church parking lot for over 30 minutes with rain so strong and unforgiving, it seemed it would crash through the car at any moment.

At long last, a reprieve. Although it was still raining, my umbrella would protect me from the cool, wet drops. A surprise awaited me as I stepped into a darkened church. Due to ferocity of the rain, our church had lost power. The early service was canceled.

Along my commute back home, I thought about our lives. How often are we in dark storms and take short-term, emergency cover in the arms and love of our Lord? Then we feel the storms have passed, so we proceed on, only to learn they had not ended; they had merely been lessened “for the moment.” We once again seek His shelter. Then suddenly, we lose all control, all power. We are totally at the compassion of God. Just as our church was at the mercy of God calming the storm so we could once again have power for our electricity, so too must we rely on God for control of our lives; in storms and tranquility.

If we walk with God during all the times of our lives, we won’t have a worry or fear when the storms come. We will have a peace that He will be with us. Isaiah 4:6 NIV…”it will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.”

Do we often times attend church or bible study with an open heart and mind, but not expecting anything unusual? Then “wham” God brings you a joy beyond measure.  As I attended what I believed would be a routine choir rehearsal I received a “God hug”. When we were singing our next to the last song, “Hymn of Praise”, the words leapt from the page and brought pangs to my heart.

Written by Bill and Gloria Gaither, their lyrics echoed so much of what most of us desire in our lives, but may not receive and also some of the painful experiences we must walk.  “Oh, loving father, by your grace, we gather here to seek your face and thank you for this family and hearth and home and loyalty .Our hearts are full of gratitude for work and rest and daily food, for neighbours (neighbors) kind and faithful friends, the gifts on which our lives depend. We even thank you for the pain -It’s through the loses that we gain clear perspective, a better view of our dependency of you…Through good and bad we’ve learned to trust, that you are loving, wise and just. So now with childlike hearts we raise our hymn of deepest, highest praise!”

The tears were so abundant, I was unable to sing. Yes, these were my desires as a young wife and mother, but God had a different plan for my life.   How well I understand the words of gaining a clear perspective from pain. My choir mate hugged me and said she would be praying for me, as I briefly shared my own life’s journey and why I cried so intensely during the song.

I departed choir realizing I had received a gift I had not anticipated; God’s reminder He knows each of our hearts and needs. Psalms 139:1 NIV “you have searched me oh Lord and you know me.”

Have you ever owned a porch swing and have great memories of your time there? The first one I experienced was as a young pre-school child. My grandmother was not blessed to have her own home after she became a widow at age 36.  She spent the next 25-30 years of her life being a care giver for others, in their homes.

For as long as I can recall the only home my grandmother ever had was with that of a widower; Mr. Kennedy. My grandmother reared her two children in that old country home as the cook and housekeeper for him. I recall the house with fond memories, but perhaps the greatest was that of the old porch swing. Memories of childhood are often distorted from reality, but a “swing” never changes. It can’t be larger or smaller or more picturesque as in a child’s mind. It merely holds the memories of swinging alone or with another; perhaps reading a book or sipping lemonade.

At a young age, I was a romantic at heart. How I longed for the day, I would have my own home and family and yes, it had to include a porch swing. Long before I had my own swing, my ex husband, Charles’s parents had a glider. It wasn’t as romantic as a porch swing, but it too would offer its’ passengers quiet and solitude as they dreamed of places near and far.

Years later after Charles and I had our own family, my persistence for a swing remained strong. I had moved from house to house, city to city and state to state with him and felt after 15 years of marriage a porch swing would be a great asset for our long porch which backed up to a woods and a creek.  Charles finally succumbed to my pleas and tears. Although it was not the porch swing as the one of my childhood, Charles insisted it should be one of a more contemporary design. Nonetheless, many frequented that swing; children and their friends, family close by and far away, guests from several continents. I can still hear the cries of our little cat. We knew, he too had visited the swing, only to have a paw which had fallen among the slats. In a panic, rather than lift his leg, his wails alarmed us to rescue him.  Isn’t it wonderful that God gives us the gift of memory, which allows us to relive those parts of our lives which bring us great “sonshine.”  Proverbs 17:22 ESV, “ A joyful heart is good medicine…”

How often do we experience poor customer service? Then we frequently hear, “customer service is not what it used to be?” There are also times when staff of companies or corporations excel at their jobs. Today was one of those examples where multiple individuals exceeded my expectations in assisting me. I’m gladly sending kudos to CarMax of Plano, McKinney and Irving, TX. They assisted me with lost documents whereas another company’s customer service was almost nonexistent.

Our daily life’s routine can at times seem frustrating or even overwhelming. When individuals are a blessing to me, I term them, “God hugs.” It’s a reminder that God is walking with me no matter what life holds. Also, as we meet others on our path, we never know what they might be  experiencing. Our appreciation for their assistance and service can be as much a blessing to them, as they were to us.

I carry business card sized “thank you cards” in my purse. When someone goes out of their way to offer assistance or kindness, I hand them a card with my verbal thanks and a reminder that gratitude is something which none of us can give too much. Ruth 1:8 NLT, “May the Lord reward you for your kindness…”

You are a most blessed and fortunate person if you have or had a close friend or two. Decades into life and I’ve never had a true friend. I’ve had countless short-lived casual “friend” relationships via church, school, neighborhood and/or the community. However, never have I had a close, enduring friend. The bible tells us that true friends stick closer than a brother.

Each time I hear that, I chuckle for my siblings and I have never been close. As we have aged, our ties are greater than in our younger years, but none of the three of us have the kind of bond which the bible cites.

For my entire life, I have prayed and longed for a true friend. Circumstances and life have prevented such, but I continue to seek an enduring friendship. Years ago I read an article which compared friendships to coffee. I diligently searched for the internet article, but it has long since vanished into cyber space.  The author compared friendships to types of coffee: strong roast; bold, often times bitter tasting. They may be controlling and provide unsolicited advice. Counselors refer to these kinds of friendships as acidic, which then causes me to spew them out.   Medium roast; someone whom is there for you, without the drama or intensity of the strong roast, but you know they are a constant.   The mild roast;  there with a hug and comforting word of encouragement. They may be the short-lived friends, for they aren’t as strong as the dark and medium roast. Nonetheless, it is beneficial to have all roasts of coffee friends during our lifetime. Each of them has a lesson to share with us.

Over the years each of these “coffee” buddies has crossed my path. The countless moves during my life, the loss of my marriage, family and home all caused many friends to disperse. As I have learned, God most often brings us friends “for a season.”  When I plead for a friend, usually God provides for that period of my life. Many of these friends I had hoped, prayed and trusted would remain long-term. That was not their plan nor Gods, so I just have to be grateful they filled an empty spot in my heart and life before they moved onto another coffee break with the person God placed them with. Proverbs 18:24 NKJ “…But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Prayer may be the most discussed topic of the Christian life. We know it is the primary mode of communication with God. For those of us who truly seek His will for our lives, we rely on seeking His answers to our prayers. Also, as I have shared in my previous blogs, I know that if I’m not in God’s divine will, I may be in a state of confusion or unhappiness.

It’s also an encouragement to me when I read of countless other Christians that struggle with understanding God’s direction for their lives. As I read a devotion today by Marion Stroud, her words spoke to me, “But Lord while being thankful for the privilege, I do get puzzled about the process of prayer…knowing that there are prayers I pray month after month, year after year, and still do not see the longed for change within myself and others.”

I’ve always known we can’t change others. We must change ourselves, but I too have prayed that God would give me the peace and strength to handle and understand some of the disappointments and distresses bestowed upon me by others. I grasp so many of God’s promises during these difficult times such as Matthew 7:7 when He promises, “ask and it shall be given.” I prayed for a healed marriage, an estranged child, a sale of my house so I could move forward with my life. Yet, none of these prayers have been answered. One of the prayers for 50 years, another 25 years and the least three years. Each of these prayers were earnest and heartfelt, so I have to say, “God, why?”

We may not always understand God’s rationale in seeming to not hear us, but we can always have an interview with Him.  As Mark Porter cited, “Executives are hard to see-their costly time I may not waste-I make appointments nervously and talk to them in haste. But any time of night or day in places suitable or odd, I seek and get without delay an interview with God.”  Matthew 7:7 KJV Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

I could blog for days about respect as it is  understated and overlooked, but I will conclude this subject for now.  As I closed yesterday, I noted my son has never respected me as his mother nor even as a fellow human being.   I observe him treating his wife, daughters, sister and mother-in-law with great respect.

As another Mother’s Day came and went this year, again there was not even a text, or e-mail wishing me well; let alone anything greater. The other perplexing issue is he was with me and other family literally hours prior to Mother’s Day (for a family college, graduation) and he could have at least wished me a good day then, but he departed, not uttering a word.

When someone addresses another and they refuse to acknowledge that person, that is disrespect. When someone makes a telephone call, sends a text, e-mail or snail mail requesting information, but the recipient refuses to return the inquiry, that is disrespect. These are not isolated instances but have been customary with my ex-husband, Charles and now my son for almost 50 years. The emotional abuse has been extreme and the disrespect equal.

When Charles left me and began his affair while we were still married, he lacked the integrity to inform me why he was abandoning our 44-year marriage. Over six years later, I learned of his affair as happenstance. (I know God allowed it, but nonetheless Charles had not possessed the veracity to be honest). When I pleaded for an understanding, Charles only reply was that he had not loved me for most of our marriage; disrespect and lack of morality.

As he abandoned me while in my 60’s, I asked if he would be there for me, if I had a need. Even though his words were “yes”, he was not honest. Charles meets his lover’s every need; physically and/or emotionally. Yet, I’m now left to fend for myself; no matter how significant the need. As Charles attends family events, he refuses to even acknowledge my presence; disrespect.

Disrespect for another person is never permissible. The CEO of the most successful company deserves no more respect than the homeless person. As I noted when I began this blog, respect can be given and/or earned, but even when one doesn’t know another, then are courtesies which are basic. It takes a person with far greater integrity than wealth to treat others with the same kind of respect which they desire to be treated.  Eph. 4:32 NIV, “Be kind and compassionate to one another…” God doesn’t command us to do this “if we feel like it.”

As I return to the subject of respect, there are as many varied opinions as there are individuals. As I researched what others may say about respect, Susanne Slay-Westbrook noted,  “Healing from brokenness is a long and arduous process at best. We know that (when) we compile hurt upon hurt the healing process just gets more and more complex. Just saying that we need more respect in the world may sound way too simple—glib even. But in reality, respect requires a lot of hard work from each of us. It requires a very focused mindset of compassion, forgiveness and an openness to really hearing and understanding what others are trying to say.”

How often we may be disrespected because people don’t understand us, nor do they desire to do so.  The lack of respect within my small family began when our children were toddlers. When I would discipline them, one of the children always insisted on “tattling to Daddy” and the cycle of disrespect began. Because my ex-husband of 44 years touted only months ago that he didn’t love me for the majority of our marriage, his disrespect (and also his lack of love and compassion) toward me was transferred to our two children.

Why should they respect me, if their own father didn’t? Thus, now over four decades later, my son refuses to respect me. I know I’m not a perfect person and thus an imperfect parent, but never have I said or done anything to be disrespected for over 27 years of my son’s life. As Susanne noted, “as we compile hurt upon hurt the healing process gets more complex.” For years, I’ve pleaded with my ex-husband and son for an understanding of why they have treated me with such disdain and disrespect. With each, they have refused any form of discernment.

My ex-husband noted he married because he felt he would be more successful in his career. He also reminded me countless times that he would have preferred being single, so he could live as he chose. Thus, to our son, if I were not valued as a wife, why would I be valued as a mother? I will conclude part two of this blog at a later date.

Dear Blog Followers, I’m deviating from my continuation of respect today to tell of a blessing. I’ve shared that I do much volunteer work, not only to give back, but to take the focus off my own disappointments and sorrow and place it upon others whom have greater needs than mine.

Today was a wonderful gift of support. I volunteer in a faith-based organization helping those in need. We pray with anyone whom desires prayer and support. One precious lady was filled with God’s love, as she noted she never looks back in her life, only forward. I told her I need to heed her advice as I’ve been looking back after my ex-husband of 44 years left me and began an affair. I said I’ve looked behind, asking “what could I have done differently,  why he never loved me (since he informed me he didn’t love me for most of our 44 year marriage) and how I could have known what was happening so I didn’t have to endure such despair?

Her kindness touched my heart as she took my hands in hers and asked to pray for me; that God would bring me a new man, a man to love me as I had loved my husband. Tears filled my eyes. I have prayed this for the past several years, as I’ve remained alone on my life’s path.  I walked into the organization today to encourage others, but I was the one today whom was inspired.

You never know when you can be that “light to another.” We don’t have to be wealthy to bestow great riches to another.  Eph. 4:32 NIV, “Be kind and compassionate to one another…”