Category: Gratitude, gratefulness, appreciation, gifts and giving

As many of you readers know, I began a book years ago on gratitude and blessings, but it was never completed.  The knowledge which I gained less than a year ago whirled me into a very difficult time of my life. As a result, this blog and gratefulness became a reality.  Because I’m God’s child I desire to keep a smile on my face and a song in my heart, even when I feel as though my life is filled with more sorrow than I can bear.  I knew I must not allow the realization that my husband of 44 years left me 7 years ago and began an affair while I was his wife to diminish that joy.

The abandonment of the marriage was devastating, but more so was comprehending his lack of integrity to tell me why he was leaving me; keeping the knowledge of his mistress from me for over 6 years. Even though emotionally painful, I’m grateful to this day for learning the truth. It’s unfortunate it wasn’t from my ex, but from a casual source. Because I have never accepted “hearsay” as truth, my ex was more than eager to share, “yes, he began an affair, because for most of our 44 year marriage I was not the wife he desired.” Oh I could fill pages about the revelation.

However, I thank God daily for the people He has placed in my life these past 11 months whom have been an encouragement. The scar will remain forever due to the longevity of the marriage and my stage of life. Yet, each day, even though many with tears in my eyes, I can still be grateful for one of my favorite verses, KJV I Thess. 5:18  “In every thing give thanks…”

As I was watching one of my favorite shows, This is Us, Beth and Randall were discussing their lives as husband and wife. They both love nachos, but as Beth noted, they both loved the “full nacho” covered with lots of cheese. She showed Randall the bowl  with only the left-over crumbs.  How often do we give those we love, “just the crumbs?” Do we keep the best for ourselves? I know we all feel we make sacrifices for our spouses, children, grandchildren, parents and other family, but do we sincerely? Are you there for your children and grandchildren when they have special occasions in their lives, or are you too busy with your own events and friends? Are you there for your parents as they age and could use some help or a listening ear when they are alone? Do you give your time and attention to your spouse or are you too enthralled with your career or personal interests, or even worse, have you abandoned your spouse to begin an affair? What if you gave the best nachos to others and saved the crumbs for yourself? Acts 20:35(NIV)”… remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive. ”

As I read one my devotions today, my favorite pastor, Chuck Swindoll was right on target with some of the very issues I’ve experienced. As a victim of DV for many years, I shared with counselors and pastors that my ex mandated I wear my “church face” when I walked in the church door.

One of my pastors in the 80’s cited that was not necessary. If my ex had been verbally or emotionally abusing me prior to arriving at church, I was not required to look/act like all was normal. Yet, how often in our lives are we expected to do just that? Chuck’s words today reiterated life is not always joy and happiness. “Who, indeed, knows what wickedness lurks in the hearts of men and women? We think we do. But how wrong we usually are.

The heart houses secrets we can never see. People are awfully good at cover-up. Smiling masks often camouflage breaking hearts. About the time we think we’ve got somebody figured out, we’re stunned to discover how much was hidden from view. Lurking in many a life is pain beyond belief. In our world of superficial talk and casual relationships, it is easy to forget that a smile doesn’t necessarily mean “I’m happy” and the courteous answer “I’m fine” may not be at all truthful.

Even the closest family members can be blindly unaware of each other’s pain.  But I’ve lived long enough to know that many a heart hides agony while the face reflects ecstasy. There is Someone, however, who fully knows what lurks in our hearts. And knowing, He never laughs mockingly and fades away. He never shrugs and walks away. Instead, He understands completely and stays near. Who, indeed, knows? Our God, alone, knows.” Isn’t it wonderful to know that we don’t have to “cover up” around God. He sees and knows it all. Hebrews 4:13 (NIV)^” Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

At age 21, I made a promise to love and honor the young man whom I believed would be my husband for the remainder of my life. I believed the love found in I Cor. 13 is the kind of love which would enable our marriage to endure the trials of life.  However, many of our family holidays and celebrations have an “empty chair” which was once filled with the husband and father of our home.

After decades of marriage, I learned my ex-husband didn’t possess such love and chose to abandon the family God had bestowed upon him for the passion of a mistress. Today would have been our 50^th wedding anniversary. Even though some we love may abandon us, what an exultation to have the assurance in Deuteronomy 31:8 (NKJV) ^“…He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were at peace? You were where God desired you to be, yet He had a different plan for you. For over 6 years I lived in great sorrow and despair after my husband of 44 years left me. Even though I was busy every day with church, bible studies, volunteer work, etc.,  I was alone. The door opened for me to relocate out of state to be closer to my daughter and her family. Despite the joy of being able to have what I believed was a “new chapter” of my life, the move was temporary. God gave and God took away. For God’s plan was not that I would remain in my new home, but that He could begin to heal my broken heart. My daughter and I have shed many tears together, as the day for my return back grows closer.  She has reminded me to “remember God’s bear”. God knows I love it here, for I’m not alone now.  However, He is asking me to return to an area where I had much heartache, but I must believe He has a larger bear. Jeremiah 29:11 New (NIV) “ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Yesterday, As I sat in a room filled with persons I had never met, I was there at the invitation of a friend for a fundraiser event. The purpose was to increase awareness and raise funds for a local Christian seminary.

I thought of the countless times during my life I had attended such events. Some of those attended, I knew only one other person, sometimes I knew several people, others I have attended alone without knowing anyone, but realizing the occasion was worthwhile. In each situation, there was a rationale for my attendance. I was either invited as happened yesterday or I attended because I believed in the cause.

Have your ever considered what it would be like if suddenly you were uprooted from you home and family and placed among complete strangers without a commonality or a purpose? Everyday this happens to hundreds if not thousands of individuals. They are removed from all they knew and are familiar with to be placed in a care facility, foster home, shelter, etc.

If God has given you the gift of compassion, perhaps you could consider reaching out to those persons whom are in a room filled with strangers. NIV Philippians 2:4 “ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

For most of my life I have struggled with persons whom believe they are better than others; especially those in my family. I find no rationale or excuse for not being appreciative of others and respectful toward them. Hanan Parvez notes in his article, “Understanding the psychology of an arrogant person, “an arrogant person is the one who acts as if he is superior, more worthy and more important than the others. Therefore, he puts others down and even disrespects them.

At the same time, he wants to be admired and respected. He wants to be ‘appreciated’ for all the great things that he has done and all the special qualities that he has. Know that just because you did something great doesn’t mean that you’re a super-human.You have some weak points too and you know it.

Know that others are not less worthy than you just because they never did what you were able to do. I could go on and on giving reasons but the point is- you have no reason to be arrogant and think that others are less worthy than you even if you did something remarkable.” When I’m treated with such disrespect and haughtiness, I recall, NIV Proverbs 16:18 “pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

I had just concluded watching a short “thanks” commentary on television before I turned it off to have my quiet time with God. The man sharing the commentary noted he is an atheist. Therefore, he cited he never thanks God before his meals, but he has begun thanking those whom provided the food. His list was lengthy; the farmers, truckers, producers, stores, etc. When we thank God for circumstances or perhaps even tangible items in our lives, do we think about the persons God used to grant those to us? Yes, God was the ultimate provider of these gifts, but what about the others? NKJ, I Thess. 5:18,” In everything give thanks…” I might add, thanks to God and those whom He chose to use.

Have you ever been in the midst of trials and it seems that people desire only to judge and criticize you? You know you have leaned on God and are trusting Him. As you are doing your best to stay afoot despite the floods and rough terrain of life, you are reminded that God is right there alongside you. As I read two separate devotions today, I knew it was not merely coincidence that each of these men of God spoke almost identical words from separate perspectives. It was a gift to be reminded we are not alone. Chuck Swindoll cited, “Sometimes when you exhibit real, unvarnished integrity, you get dumped into the lions’ den. Remember, God’s there, too!”, as Charles Stanley noted, “And for those of us enduring difficult, painful, or trying situations, we long to see the burden lifted.” NKJ Psa 46:1-3, “God is our refuge and strength…”

Happy Valentine’s Day, dear readers. For many of us this is one of the most difficult days of the year. We are alone, either through the death of a mate or marital betrayal and infidelity as was the case with me. Nonetheless, the world has said this is a day for “lovers”. Why not a day to love others, no matter whom they are? Why not a day to show love by giving back to those less fortunate?

I received a heartfelt reminder today from one of my bible study leaders reminding me that God loves us in all circumstances and His love is enduring. This is hard to cling to when our humanness has been shattered, but what a joy to know. God will not say “you are no longer what I desire.” He loves us for eternity. We all know one of the most recognized verses in the bible, but it is truly applicable on this day of hearts and love, NIV I Cor. 13:13, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Please show someone today you care about them, even if your “love” is no longer at your side.