Yesterday I shared about empathy as a gift to others. It is my belief when a person endures a deep emotional and/or physical heartache there is no greater need than to be supported and understood. When persons are physically injured, people see it and realize they are enduring much physical pain.

When a person’s pain is emotional, one may not understand their depth of agony is as great as the person suffering from physically injuries.  If you don’t understand, withholding judgement and/or condemnation toward the unseen affliction is a gift. Certainly, there are situations when someone(s) can rectify the problem. In other circumstances only God can heal the wound. Kindness and compassion during such difficult times are some of the greatest gifts.

Some suffer from wounds so tremendous they will never be completely healed. Certainly, if the affliction is minor enough, in time the anguish will heal. Others are so unfathomable and the duration of life so brief, there is no time for healing. These are the impairments which only God can mend.

However, your words of compassion can do much for the broken hearted. The cliché of “if you can’t say something positive, say nothing at all” is imperative for the one whom is hurting. Proverbs 16:24 NLT Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body

Have you ever had an extremely emotionally debilitating situation? Perhaps it was the loss of a child, mate or parent. Perhaps it was the loss of your home by way of a natural disaster or fire. Or perhaps you were in a horrific accident which left you severely injured or handicapped. The list goes on and on. When persons ask about you, you may share, for that situation has now imprinted you.

There are those individuals whom you meet that tell you to “shake it off”, “get over it”, etc. You may be trying diligently to overcome the situation, but it has drastically altered your life. An article in Psychology Today reminds us that “the process of sorting out our feelings when something is hurtful or destructive happens is a long one and will need support. That support does not include people suggesting this is a trial which will make us stronger-or any other clichés of that ilk.” Have you ever had someone say, “don’t you think it’s time to move on?”  Such indifference suggests “that grief, mourning or recovery come with a use-by-date stamp. No one except the person suffering loss can decide when the moment is right to move on.” The gift of empathy is not judgmental.

If you don’t want to hear what someone has to share, then distance yourself from them. Egotistical sarcasm only brings the person enduring the heartache more sorrow. What if God had harsh judgement toward you when you shared your burdens with Him? I Thess. 5:11 (NIV) Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as  fact you are doing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you awaken each day seeking how you might help another? Seldom do any of us do this. However, I do pray frequently that if God has someone for me to be an encouragement to that He will place them on my path so that I can be a “light” to them. A couple of weeks ago I was given this opportunity during one of my volunteer ministries. As I reached out to a person in need, with tears in her eyes, she said I was her angel.

I reminded her that,” no, she was a blessing for me.” I then shared with her my frequent prayer. What a joy it was when she proclaimed that she was jubilant she was the recipient of God’s blessing that day. We never know what someone is experiencing when they walk across our path. We might share only a short “hello” and a smile on the elevator or in a line at the store.  That warm and genuine greeting and smile might be their only “light” for the entire day.

In one of Chuck Swindoll’s recent devotions, he shares about someone whom wrote numerous well-known songs but died an unknown drunken bum. He was only 38 when he died alone with a slashed throat. Nobody cared for he was to them, merely an unknown.  What if someone could have been a “light” to him. Would he have been a bum? Would he have been left starving only to be murdered? The gift of caring for and about others even if only for a few minutes of your day, can possibly make the difference in their path for the remainder of their lives. NKJ Hebrews13:1-2 Let brotherly love continue. ² Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.

As I read one of my devotions today, I thought of my own life and how often lies or even hiding the truth has brought me such great emotional pain from those whom were not honest. Charles Stanley said “Why is it so easy to lie? Telling a falsehood is something we all did as children, but lying can trip up even longtime Christians. The underlying motive for giving in to deception is usually a desire to protect ourselves in some way. We lie to get out of trouble, to avoid an unwanted situation, to profit financially, to receive acceptance, to bolster our image, to hide our flaws, or for other self-serving reasons”.  Even if you feel you can hide indefinitely, the truth will almost always be revealed. When it is, the pain you may have caused will be far greater than if you had been honest from the on-set. The betrayal by knowing you were not only deceptive, but had tried to hide it for years, exacerbates the dishonesty. Giving the gift of honesty can be more valuable that being deceptive. Proverbs 11:3 (NKJV)³ The integrity of the upright will guide them, But the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them.

As many of you readers know, I began a book years ago on gratitude and blessings, but it was never completed.  The knowledge which I gained less than a year ago whirled me into a very difficult time of my life. As a result, this blog and gratefulness became a reality.  Because I’m God’s child I desire to keep a smile on my face and a song in my heart, even when I feel as though my life is filled with more sorrow than I can bear.  I knew I must not allow the realization that my husband of 44 years left me 7 years ago and began an affair while I was his wife to diminish that joy.

The abandonment of the marriage was devastating, but more so was comprehending his lack of integrity to tell me why he was leaving me; keeping the knowledge of his mistress from me for over 6 years. Even though emotionally painful, I’m grateful to this day for learning the truth. It’s unfortunate it wasn’t from my ex, but from a casual source. Because I have never accepted “hearsay” as truth, my ex was more than eager to share, “yes, he began an affair, because for most of our 44 year marriage I was not the wife he desired.” Oh I could fill pages about the revelation.

However, I thank God daily for the people He has placed in my life these past 11 months whom have been an encouragement. The scar will remain forever due to the longevity of the marriage and my stage of life. Yet, each day, even though many with tears in my eyes, I can still be grateful for one of my favorite verses, KJV I Thess. 5:18  “In every thing give thanks…”

As I was watching one of my favorite shows, This is Us, Beth and Randall were discussing their lives as husband and wife. They both love nachos, but as Beth noted, they both loved the “full nacho” covered with lots of cheese. She showed Randall the bowl  with only the left-over crumbs.  How often do we give those we love, “just the crumbs?” Do we keep the best for ourselves? I know we all feel we make sacrifices for our spouses, children, grandchildren, parents and other family, but do we sincerely? Are you there for your children and grandchildren when they have special occasions in their lives, or are you too busy with your own events and friends? Are you there for your parents as they age and could use some help or a listening ear when they are alone? Do you give your time and attention to your spouse or are you too enthralled with your career or personal interests, or even worse, have you abandoned your spouse to begin an affair? What if you gave the best nachos to others and saved the crumbs for yourself? Acts 20:35(NIV)”… remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive. ”

As I read one my devotions today, my favorite pastor, Chuck Swindoll was right on target with some of the very issues I’ve experienced. As a victim of DV for many years, I shared with counselors and pastors that my ex mandated I wear my “church face” when I walked in the church door.

One of my pastors in the 80’s cited that was not necessary. If my ex had been verbally or emotionally abusing me prior to arriving at church, I was not required to look/act like all was normal. Yet, how often in our lives are we expected to do just that? Chuck’s words today reiterated life is not always joy and happiness. “Who, indeed, knows what wickedness lurks in the hearts of men and women? We think we do. But how wrong we usually are.

The heart houses secrets we can never see. People are awfully good at cover-up. Smiling masks often camouflage breaking hearts. About the time we think we’ve got somebody figured out, we’re stunned to discover how much was hidden from view. Lurking in many a life is pain beyond belief. In our world of superficial talk and casual relationships, it is easy to forget that a smile doesn’t necessarily mean “I’m happy” and the courteous answer “I’m fine” may not be at all truthful.

Even the closest family members can be blindly unaware of each other’s pain.  But I’ve lived long enough to know that many a heart hides agony while the face reflects ecstasy. There is Someone, however, who fully knows what lurks in our hearts. And knowing, He never laughs mockingly and fades away. He never shrugs and walks away. Instead, He understands completely and stays near. Who, indeed, knows? Our God, alone, knows.” Isn’t it wonderful to know that we don’t have to “cover up” around God. He sees and knows it all. Hebrews 4:13 (NIV)^” Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

At age 21, I made a promise to love and honor the young man whom I believed would be my husband for the remainder of my life. I believed the love found in I Cor. 13 is the kind of love which would enable our marriage to endure the trials of life.  However, many of our family holidays and celebrations have an “empty chair” which was once filled with the husband and father of our home.

After decades of marriage, I learned my ex-husband didn’t possess such love and chose to abandon the family God had bestowed upon him for the passion of a mistress. Today would have been our 50^th wedding anniversary. Even though some we love may abandon us, what an exultation to have the assurance in Deuteronomy 31:8 (NKJV) ^“…He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were at peace? You were where God desired you to be, yet He had a different plan for you. For over 6 years I lived in great sorrow and despair after my husband of 44 years left me. Even though I was busy every day with church, bible studies, volunteer work, etc.,  I was alone. The door opened for me to relocate out of state to be closer to my daughter and her family. Despite the joy of being able to have what I believed was a “new chapter” of my life, the move was temporary. God gave and God took away. For God’s plan was not that I would remain in my new home, but that He could begin to heal my broken heart. My daughter and I have shed many tears together, as the day for my return back grows closer.  She has reminded me to “remember God’s bear”. God knows I love it here, for I’m not alone now.  However, He is asking me to return to an area where I had much heartache, but I must believe He has a larger bear. Jeremiah 29:11 New (NIV) “ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Yesterday, As I sat in a room filled with persons I had never met, I was there at the invitation of a friend for a fundraiser event. The purpose was to increase awareness and raise funds for a local Christian seminary.

I thought of the countless times during my life I had attended such events. Some of those attended, I knew only one other person, sometimes I knew several people, others I have attended alone without knowing anyone, but realizing the occasion was worthwhile. In each situation, there was a rationale for my attendance. I was either invited as happened yesterday or I attended because I believed in the cause.

Have your ever considered what it would be like if suddenly you were uprooted from you home and family and placed among complete strangers without a commonality or a purpose? Everyday this happens to hundreds if not thousands of individuals. They are removed from all they knew and are familiar with to be placed in a care facility, foster home, shelter, etc.

If God has given you the gift of compassion, perhaps you could consider reaching out to those persons whom are in a room filled with strangers. NIV Philippians 2:4 “ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”