I share with each of you my readers, about a journey I’ve been on this week; one which I sincerely trust will permit me to finally move beyond the tremendous emotional pain of these past 17 months. I desire that each day is a brighter day; that every day I awaken, is filled with only the pleasure and adventure of that day. I can’t change what happened with the man I so deeply loved nor the fact our family was dissolved in the blink of any eye, but I can accept this is now my reality.
Have you ever had so much emotional or physical pain that you would do almost anything to rid yourself of that agony? Perhaps, you tried alternative medicine, exercise, physical therapy, counseling or numerous other remedies, but the pain remained. For the past 50 years, I have been involved in psychological and pastoral counseling in an effort, not only to better myself, but hopefully to become a better person to those I loved and cared about. My heart believed if I changed enough, they would love and/or accept me, even though my head realized such changes had nothing to do with me, but with the other person(s).
This past week, I’ve participated in a weeklong, intensive, non-traditional, counseling therapy in an attempt to overcome the tremendous emotional pain which left me crippled and unable to focus or function as the person God desired me to be. Whereas, many of the sentiments I’ve heard countless times, each time I meet new counselors they have a different insight than perhaps other counseling professionals. My sorrow will not end overnight, as the pain developed and evolved over 50 years. Even though I’ve known my entire adult life we are responsible only for our words and actions; not those of others, it was delightful to be reminded.
I know I may stumble from time to time on recalling the sorrow of my lost marriage, home and family. However, I’m sincerely making the effort to try and move forward from the anguish which has consumed much of my life these past 17 months. The mission statement of this week’s workshop is: “I have inherent worth. It cannot be raised or lowered by my weaknesses or defects of character.”
To further validate my worth, I cherish God’s words in Psalm 139:13-14 NIV, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”