Author: jwoods

Where They Once Stood

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They happen in numerous settings.  Some are lavish, others are unassuming. Some are traditional while others are “free spirited” and “artistic.” Some cost millions of dollars, others cost a few hundred dollars. But all achieve the same success. They bring together a husband and wife vowing to love the other for eternity; a marriage and wedding ceremony.

Weddings most often also bring a flood of tears and memories of yesteryear. They are one of the most cherished elements of any family, for we know a marriage is the beginning of a new union. Parents and grandparents realize this is where they once stood with hopes and dreams for their future. Now, the young bride and groom possess the same goals; to live a long, full and blessed life with the one they love.

I recently had the joy of celebrating such an event with one of my granddaughters. The wedding was beautiful and so unlike mine which had been on the very same date fifty-six years prior. My wedding was small and modest. I have heard our pastor’s wife’s words in my heart and mind countless times, “this is the fanciest wedding our church has ever had.”

Certainly this validates the phrase of being in the eye of the beholder. Our humble church was filled with approximately one hundred people; the most our church could accommodate. It was the era of cake and punch following the ceremony.  However, the church was so small, it had no fellowship hall. The local community center became that venue.

Because my groom and I paid for our entire wedding, my mother and I had sewed for months making all the dresses and other necessary accessories for weddings of the 1960’s. Now, as my beautiful granddaughter walked down the aisle with her groom, she was overjoyed with the dreams of the future awaiting them. I too shared those same aspirations on my wedding day.

It was a magnificent day for our family during our granddaughter’s wedding. My son’s toast to his daughter and the father/daughter dance left most of the guests with tear stained smiles. I had prayed earnestly that God would give me additional strength for the day.

As many Christian female speakers and authors have shared in their bible studies and testimonies, marital betrayal and unfaithfulness is one of the most sorrowful experiences in their lives. Certainly it was for me. As I had begged and pleaded with my then husband to save our marriage for the sake of our family, he shared only that he had not loved me for over forty years. He proclaimed his heart was with his mistress for she is the one he cared about.

As couples in our family sat hand in hand, sharing glances of love and commitment for their own marriages and now our granddaughter, I could only “cry out to God” in silence to give me the power to endure my grief. For it was moments like this that I had reminded my then husband that he and his mistress could not share.

I’m grateful that I could call upon God to give me the strength which only He could give. My heart is scarred with the grief of betrayal, but how I rejoiced in the  beauty of the day and the memories with the family. NKJ Psalms 29:11 The Lord will give strength to His people; The Lord will bless His people with peace.

It’s One Step

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This was a driveway moment and I felt compelled to listen to the “rest of the story”  on the radio. As she pulled up to the toll booth, the attendant said “how are you today?” The routine reply is “fine” and the parties depart. Well today, the driver noted, “I’m not okay” as she was pouring out tears of despair.

The toll attendant used this moment as a God hug, and stated that she was covering the driver in prayer. The driver had never met the attendant and even though she was sharing a difficult moment, this didn’t mean she was in need of psychological help. The driver left uplifted and full of hope.

Why are people so zealous to inform those enduring challenges that they need emotional and/or mental assistance? Only today, I received an email that because my life has not been typical that I need such support. Even though the one making this statement is a church staff member, they apparently have never had a need of bible studies reminding Christians that life is challenging and filled with problems we may not have caused. Yet, often we are the recipients of another’s sin or poor choices in life.

As a group of us gather weekly for the bible study, It’s Not Supposed to be This Way by Lysa Terkurest, we know many of us have lives we didn’t plan nor anticipate. We are a diverse group of different backgrounds, ages and life experiences. Yet we all have the commonality that we didn’t plan for our lives to be as they are. Lost jobs, illness, accidents, wayward children, broken homes and marriages face many Christians.

Did they do something wrong to deserve these trials? Were their sins so immense  this was a necessary punishment? God doesn’t bring hardships to his children for chastisement.  Just as he brought sorrow and difficulties to Job, it wasn’t because Job had sinned. Job 1-2 notes Job was “blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil…so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East.” Satan believed Job would curse God, but God proved Satan wrong. He allowed Satan to “test” Job with illness, loss of family and all he owned, but Job remained steadfast to God. “The Lord Gave, and the Lord has taken away, Blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.”

As our bible study group sits around my table sharing our lives and the realizations that it was not what we planned for our“life’s story”, we all know God is maturing us in His love. Lysa states in her study, “Longsuffering is long because you can’t sprint through it. It’s one step. And then another that might be more treacherous …sometimes God lifts us up in an instant, and other times He wants to join us on a bit of a journey.”

Yet, through it all, it doesn’t mean we are mentally and/or physically weak. We may at times benefit from Christian counseling, but it never is indictive that because we are on this journey, we are helpless. Just as I listened during the “driveway moment”, God gives us hugs in many forms.  I Peter 5:10 NIV “And the God of all grace…after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong.”

I Assumed!

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Priority-the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important! More important than what?  Assets?  Social events?  Money? What are our priorities? During a recent recovery from a surgery, I found my priority to be “get well-get back to normalcy-get back to my routine.”

Being in isolation during recovery from an illness or surgery is not ideal. We spend a vast amount of time in quiet solicitude and our thoughts.  It’s not always best for our emotional health, as it gives us too much time to reflect and ask ourselves, “what if.”

When we have recovered from that time of quiet healing, what are our priorities? Our priorities change as situations in our lives change. Because of my “age” , my priorities are different than when I was a teen, a young wife and mother or even an older mother.

Life is truly a choice of priorities. For some persons, it’s how many more social events can we add to our already “too busy” schedule?  For others, it’s how much more money can we earn? For me, it’s “if only” I could have even “five more minutes.” The cliché that life passes too quickly becomes more valid as we age.

Recently I read an introspective commentary. It shares the feelings many of us have with our current priorities. “Barely the day started and it’s already six in the evening. Barely arrived on Monday…and the month is already over and..50 or 60 years of our lives have passed, and we realize we have lost our parents, our friends…and it’s too late to go back…let’s try to eliminate the afters…I’m doing it after…because what we don’t understand is after the coffee gets cold, afterwards priorities change…afterwards the kids grow up…afterwards the parents get old…and then it’s too late…so let’s leave nothing for later.”

Recently I viewed a poignant movie on the loss of a mother for a “bride to be.” She was sharing with another young woman that chose not to see her mother the importance of priorities; the importance of “do it today.”  The bride to be stated, “she always assumed she could talk to her mom when she was ready, but now it’s too late. It’s too late for questions or answers. It’s too late to thank her for all the wonderful things she’s done for me. It’s too late to sit down and have a cup of tea. I wish I could do even one of those things as I wouldn’t waste even one second.”

As you arise today, what is your priority? As a Christian, my faith has to be greater than or equal to my family. I know without God, I can do nothing. I won’t be the person I should be nor accomplish the tasks set before me, if God is not directing me. However, I never want to say, I assumed I had plenty of time. At this decade of my life, I fully understand my time is fleeting, so when I’m asked to be with someone or do it, I don’t want to be like the bride to be and say, “now it’s too late.”

Luke 12:34 NKJV “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Just Try Again!

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Not again! Will this ever end? That’s why I stepped away, but when my devout Christian physician encouraged me not to “give up”, I opted to try again. As Dr. P. noted, I might have to kiss a lot of frogs before I found a prince. Yet, I never arrived at “kissing the frogs” before I jumped onto higher ground.

Over twelve years ago when I found myself alone after a forty-four year marriage, my then husband chose to spend his life with another. I believed God would bring me a new friend; not necessarily a mate, for I took a vow to love and honor the man God had given me. Sometimes goals and promises are not always shared by others, whether in friendship or more serious relationships such as marriage.

After living in solitary  for several years, I was hopeful to meet someone. He must love God for I knew if he loved God, he would care about others. I began my search in church, volunteer organizations, community events and local match-making organizations. When all those resources were fruitless, I reluctantly signed up for on-line dating.

Recently, I had a harsh reminder. The text was the justification I remain “friendless.” The man had never met me. We conversed via telephone and text and he informed he expected physical intimacy by our third date. Evidently there must be a version of the bible for those persons that are Christian in “name only”, but don’t walk with Him or believe what He teaches.  Of course I’m being facetious!

My profile on the on-line dating sites leaves no doubt of my beliefs and my walk with God. It is very evident I believe what the bible teaches. So why do these men believe I’m not a person? Why do they not respect my feelings or beliefs? Why do they view me as only a physical object to be used as a toy?

Why must I be subjected to such demeaning requests repeatedly? As I reflected back on the men I’ve met over the past decade the majority had no desire for a friendship or relationship. They all believe a cup of coffee or an inexpensive lunch required special benefits.

Each time I was appalled and profoundly offended. The greatest offense occurred several years ago when I met a man at my church. Even though he had been married and divorced numerous times, I believed he must have some desire to walk with God as the church I attended was biblical and conservative. Certainly he must believe God’s teachings about sexual infidelity and fornication.

I quickly realized he not only didn’t believe God’s teachings, his harassment was unlike any I experienced. Because of that encounter, I’ve had to realize that just because a man attends church or states he is a Christian, doesn’t mean he walks with God.

For some of us, God allows us to be alone so that we know He is all we need. He will never betray us or abandon us.  Deuteronomy 31:6- ESV “ Be strong and courageous…for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

I Can’t Go In These

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“What have I done now?…I was only asking a question”, he said. “I can’t go in these”, he protested. “I’m not used to them, so he took them off. He was cursed  as the giant came to him with sword, spear and javelin. Reaching into his shepherd’s bag and taking out a stone, he hurled it with his sling and hit the Philistine in the forehead. The stone sank in and Goliath stumbled and fell face down on the ground.”

No this isn’t a fairy tale or a work of fiction, it is one of my favorite truths of the bible; a young  boy named David whom God used to kill the giant Goliath that had mocked and ridiculed him. Even his brothers chastised him, telling him he should have been home caring for the sheep which was his job as a shepherd.

When David convinced those around him that God would enable him to slay the giant, they instructed him to “suit up” in a coat of mail. It was too cumbersome for David, so he was armed only with his small bag of stones and sling. He knew he needed nothing more, for God was his weapon and strength.  God chooses those He will use. Their might and power from God  can’t stop even a nine foot giant, as in Samuel 17

David has always been one of God’s children whom I never tire of studying. He was a  man that God chose to use, but then David allowed his “earthly self” to take over during times of his life, but God’s plan for David couldn’t deter what the future held. From success to failure to success, reining as King of Israel.  Isn’t this so akin to persons thousands of years later?

When King Saul called David to play his harp he couldn’t have imagined that a short time later King Saul would seek to kill David. Jealousy had overtaken Saul. However, Jonathan, Saul’s son loved David and made a pact with him that he would not only be his friend for life, but he would protect him. As we continue reading the story in Samuel, the devotion Jonathan had for David is unlike friendships of our era. Seldom does anyone have a stronger concern for a friend than for their own family.

The story of David’s life should be a reminder to each of us that when we allow God to use us as He planned, He will protect us through all circumstances. I can personally reflect on my life and wonder why God has allowed situations as He has. Yet, as I’ve stated often in my blogs, God’s plans are truly perfect. In my life I’m beginning to understand God had to remove some persons and situations so  He could fulfill His plan.

We are not kings, nor have we slain tens of thousands of men or even a giant, but God can use us in mighty ways as He did with David.  A couple of weeks ago, as I was having my quiet time, I prayed, “God please use me in anyway you choose, for here I am Lord.” Within the hour, He was showing me that if I was sincere in offering my service to Him, He was sincere in using me. We can all be Davids for the Lord.

David cries out to God, but also praises God in one of the most beautiful books of the bible, the Book of Psalms. In Psalm 118:8, NLT,  we are reminded, “it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people.”

He’s Got This!

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She said, “bring your bible study ideas to the meeting.” As I crouched down in my book shelf to retrieve the numerous bible study books and guides, I was astonished at the vast array of the studies I had taken and/or led in the past four to five decades of my life. There they were; in-depth theological studies, lighter studies filled with inspiration and awe, studies with video commentaries and studies that involved hours of diligence in preparation.

 I had two large book bags of studies to share for the meeting. These excluded the Percepts and Bible Study Fellowship studies or the countless studies I had “shared” with other women. These were some of my collection. There was such an immeasurable assortment of authors from the well known which have written countless bible studies to those newer leaders to the field of the immense collection of evangelical Christian bible studies.

 When searching for such studies in a Christian book store, it is similar to perusing the local candy shop. There is something for everyone. If I have spent the past five plus decades of my life in bible studies, then I pondered over my rationale in still coming before the Lord and crying out to Him for an understanding of my life.

Shouldn’t I already understand? Shouldn’t I have the faith and assurance that no matter what happens, this truly is the best for me? Yes, my head does know for I have listened to, read of and studied all these years of God’s love, goodness, mercy and best for each of us, His children. Yet all these decades later, I have one prayer which has remained. The format changes, but the theme remains. I know God knows best, but I grapple in perceiving God’s plan in this sorrow of my life.

I say, “but God, this doesn’t seem fair. God, why does so and so have this and I don’t?  God why can’t I have this, for your word says “this is good?” If it’s good God, then why is it withheld from me?” For some the prayer need is short-term and easily understood. For others, like myself, it has sincerely been a lifetime. The more I pray and the longer the time passes, the more I have to accept that God truly does know best and His plan  is perfect.

These are the moments and times alone with God that I can say, “God thank you that you do love me. Thank you that you do know best for me.”  For now, I’m grateful for the countless bible study authors and opportunities to be reminded of His promises to us. It is also the fellowship with other Christians while studying that reminds me of God’s assurances.

What a joy it is to know that even though I have been coming to God for all these decades with a passionate prayer, He continues to stand right there with me, holding my hand and letting me know “He’s got this.”  Isaiah 41:10 NIV, “so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “

I Would Have Pulled…

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As I opened my Facebook today, a friend had posted a poignant commentary by Kimberly Henderson of Proverbs 31 ministries. Kimberly noted, “ I would have pulled Joseph out of that pit…pulled David out of Saul’s spear-throwing presence…pulled Esther out of being snatched from her only family…pulled Jesus off the cross…And oh friend. I want to pull you out. I want to change your path. I want to stop your pain. But right now I know I would be wrong. I would be out of line. I would be cheating you and cheating the world out of so much good…so instead of trying to pull you out, I’m lifting you up.”

How often have we tried and changed God’s plan and will for our lives? When I was a seminary student in the 1960’s, we learned of God’s permissive will and His perfect or divine will. Charles Stanley noted “the predetermined will of God is when there are certain events that the Lord has predestined to occur, and no one can thwart His sovereignty.”

Yet, how often do we deliberately change what we know is God’s will? It may be a career, relationship or religious decision. We know God was directing us to do something, but we chose otherwise. Sometimes our selfish and stubborn wills bring disappointment and heartache to not only one other person, but many.

As a young teen, my father shared with our family and our church congregation that God was calling him into full-time ministry. Yet, he walked away. He chose his own path and until the day he passed away, he was always “seeking.”  My father’s choice was between him and God, but Dad’s life remained a struggle. I’ve always wondered if it was because he chose “his will”, not God’s. Those are queries only God and Dad could answer.

Dr. David Jermiah cites, “each of us has been given our own independent will. It can be an asset or a liability. It all depends on how we position our will in relation to the will that really matters-the will of God.”

Some of the greatest examples of personal wills affecting many,  are when a person chooses to drink and drive, causing the death of innocent persons. In Ephesians 5:18, the bible clearly notes, do not get drunk on wine…” When individuals are drunk their actions and cognitive abilities are impaired.

Was it God’s will for a  spouse  to be unfaithful; breaking the vow they took to love and honor their mate until death? When such egoistical actions transpire,  entire families endure the sorrow of one person’s decision. If there are children, they lose the security of knowing their parents loved one another for an eternity. Whether the children are young or adults with families of their own, the broken union of their parents is distressing.

Whether actions are God’s predetermined will or a person’s will, God will walk with the individual and survivors of the occurrence. I think of the countless natural disasters the world endures. Those were God ordained, but He is right there to “pull that person” up or out of the situation.  What a gift to know He is there for all situations we face whether His plan or our egocentricity. Psalm 40:8 NIV, “ I desire to do your will, my God.”

Would You Like a Cup of Tea?

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When Calls The Heart or as we might more aptly state, “when the heart calls.” What then? What happens when our hearts call us to act. This Hallmark series doesn’t disappoint. Due to the longevity of this series, it covers all seasons and emotions of our lives. From birth through death. Instead of rags to riches, the series focuses on the life of one that had wealth, but chose to leave it to serve others, to be a part of “real life” with “real people”, those struggling to survive.

We all know the wealthy have “real lives”, but to us as outsiders, it seems their lives are surreal. Thus, when persons whether in Hollywood or in reality give all of that up to serve others, we are in awe. This is one of many of life’s lessons in this Hallmark story of life in the early twentieth century.

Certainly the romantic aspect of the series “pulls” many of us females into its’ story line. I have shed more than one tear when there are moments of giving to others more than yourself. It is seldom we experience those acts of kindness and love. Yes, the story is filled with natural disasters and “neighbors helping neighbors.”

Perhaps one of my favorite aspects of this series is that a cup of tea with a friend and neighbor seems to make all things better. It’s not only sitting down together without the distraction of cell phones, television or any of the other current  so-called conveniences, but the fact that there is always time for another person. I know while watching this series it is merely “Hallmark Hollywood”, but how I love seeing mankind care about another.

I recall a time I would have so greatly appreciated “just a moment.” While enduring the greatest heartache of my life, three separate women at church had stated, “if you ever need us, just call.” On a day when I felt I could not take even one more step, I reached out to each of the three; all without success. The first noted, “I’m busy, I’m at a restaurant.” The second stated, “I’m busy, I’m at a ball game.” With the third I left a voice mail message on her phone, but she never returned the call.

I didn’t want their physical presence or anything tangible from them. Yet, they didn’t know for they all quoted, “I’m too busy” when all I wanted was prayer. Free to them, yet a great gift to me. There was my heavenly Father, ears and heart open to my sorrows. I learned from then on, it is seldom, if not always that earthly family or friends don’t have the time or care when our needs are often the greatest.

But not in this Hallmark series! Perhaps that is the reason many of us reminisce over similar times in the series noted above. I have made it a sincere vow to stop anytime anyone asks me to “reach out” and take their hand. Like my request, it is most often just needing prayer, but if there is a physical need, I want to be there for them. I want to have those “china cup, tea” moments. We know it isn’t the tea or coffee which soothes a heart, but knowing someone gave a little of themselves when you were in great need. Hebrews 13:16 NKJ, “But do not forget to do good and to share for with such sacrifices God is well.”

Too Many Changes!

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What? Ninety-two degrees in February! Confusing and perplexing, this is one of the many world changes I have no interest in accepting.  Yet, we must, for we can’t change it! Even though Texas is warmer than many other states in our country, summer temperatures in winter are still most unusual. We can accept it with a smile or complain, but we all know complaining doesn’t change those things which we can’t alter.

Life is a series of changes, but how often I reflect on those changes which we all anticipate, such as maturing and aging-we know this is inevitable. We understand our children will develop into teens and young adults, choosing and beginning their own lives. We know it is predictable, yet most of us are saddened by the occurrence. Why? We too experienced that foreseeable aspect of life. Cycles of our lives are much easier to accept than these unexpected and misunderstood patterns.

I think about the many changes in everyday life in the last few decades. I recall going to a “washateria”, now a laundromat, but in the 1950’s, it was a washateria with wringer style washing machines. Then we loaded the wet laundry in baskets and returned back home to hang it on the line. Oh the fragrance of sun-dried clothes! But what a convenience to toss clothes in the automatics washing machine with a dryer alongside it!

How many of us love the change of electric dishwashers? I recall as a toddler standing at the counter in our basement home, drying the dishes my mother had washed by hand. I was well into my twenties before I encountered the convenience of a dishwasher. I have often said, I would give up my dishwasher before I gave up my electric garage door opener.  I might have to rethink that statement when I had a sink full of dirty dishes and pans. So many changes, so many conveniences.

The list of changes is lengthy; some I would have preferred remained as they were. Cell phones are convenient at times, but how rewarding it was to hear a phone ring and pick it up to hear a kind voice on the other end desiring to “talk” to me, not merely text me or send me an e-mail.

How do we handle those unplanned and/or unforeseen changes? The loss of a job, unexpected moves to a new town or state or greater is the loss of a spouse or child, which can leave us devastated. We cry, we grieve, we pray and trust, but we must move forward.  Some may desire to remain mired in grief and sorrow. However, this deprives individuals of the new adventures awaiting them.

Many are astounded that I travel alone as much as I do. I travel alone, or not at all. There is much to see in this incredible world God created to not experience the beauty. I’ve also met people along the way which are now added to my mind’s memory book. Oh change! We can go with it or contest it, but it doesn’t prevent it from happening.  Isaiah 43:19 NIV, “see I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?…”

Living Well

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We all have those moments in our lives when for that “time” we can just forget our daily woes and challenges of life,  focusing solely on the memories we are making. This was the beautiful experience I had recently when celebrating the life of my cherished, Aunt Joan.  She had been more of a mother to me than my own mother.

She and I would  often cry and laugh for hours at a time; most times via telephone as we were over 1,200 miles apart. Yet she was always close in my thoughts and prayers. After a full and blessed life, God called Joan home at age ninety-two. Her memorial service was truly a celebration. Yes, there were tears as we miss her, but joy in knowing she was welcomed “home.” Her husband and three of their six children had pre-deceased her, so I know she is delighting in every minute with them.

As I reflected on her life; it was not one of grandeur or wealth, esteem or fame. It was far more! It was a life “well-lived” for God and her family. She not only lived well, but she loved well. She loved with all her heart. I recalled during one of our conversations when she was in her eighties, that she had been canning for days after planting a large garden. I cried when her daughter mentioned this during the memorial service.

Just as my cousin wondered why she had planted such a large garden as a senior, empty-nester for just she and my uncle, Joan noted it was for the Lord-for their church. Joan would can dozens of jars a year to donate to the church for meals. “Loving with all her heart”, that’s what she always did. Just as with all of us, she had her moments of disappointment and frustration, but I never knew her to be unpleasant or offensive during these times. From my decades of memories with her, God was always the center of her life and actions.

As the family joined in the remembrance of Joan, there was much laughter, interspersed with a little sadness. We chuckled at events when her children were younger, but also saddened as we discussed her aging.  Perhaps the greatest detriment to aging is losing our independence, as growing older so often takes that from each of us. Thus, it was when Joan realized she no longer had the faculties and acuity to continue driving.

I had last visited her to celebrate her eighty-ninth birthday. During that time, she and I went out driving. No, it was not like “Driving Miss Daisy” that she was being chauffeured, but that she was doing the driving. It was important she realized she needed to relinquish her driver’s license and not that it was taken from her. Even though she desired to overlook her miscalculations, she understood it was time for her to become “Miss Daisy.”

I still cry as I think about her for she was one of the most kind and loving persons, I’ve ever known. She lived her life well and isn’t that the most important asset any of us can possess? Ephesians 4:32 NKJ, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”