It is with renewed encouragement I will continue to share my journey. It isn’t pretty, but it is one which God allowed; some His will and other portions of the path, He permitted. I received positive feedback about my blogs this week. They were read as intended; to inspire. What I have stated repeatedly is that I could not have endured my life if God hadn’t been there with me.
As time progresses and I share more of my life’s book, those that choose to view it as negative will do so. Those that realize God gave me beauty from ashes will view my sharing in a positive manner. If I’ve learned nothing else these past fifty years, I’ve learned from extensive counseling that how we choose to accept the conditions of our life is how we endure those challenges.
I’m reminded of when I was a volunteer Casa and someone asked how I could be around those children. I stated, “because I was severely battered as a child. No one was there to intervene for me because it was pre-DHS. I’m grateful I can be a “voice” for them.” Their reply was, “I don’t want to hear about this anymore. It is dark.” Child abuse happens. So too do many other things in life including marital betrayal. We can view it negatively or we can say “with God’s help, there will be blessings.” Counselors have noted, statistically I should be an addict, severely depressed or even worse. “But God!”
I’ve had several potential buyers view my house two-three times voicing tremendous interest, but then choosing another. I could only say, “God will send His buyer in His time.” That is how I’ve had to accept all the situations in my life which I can’t amend. I’ve been open, that the greatest sorrow of my life was learning of my then husband’s infidelity. I’ve also stated that I could not sustain my agony without God’s help.
Being despondent and saddened that Charles never loved me doesn’t make me weak. It is a testimony to others going through this kind of burden that God will give them strength. I’ve been praised that I have not succumbed to being depressed or walking away from God. I do extensive volunteer work, remain active in church and bible studies. I’ve organized numerous social events and opened my home to countless other single, seniors.
Being active and busy doesn’t negate the grief in knowing Charles chose another woman to spend the remainder of his life with, instead of me. I was the first and only girl he ever dated, and we vowed to remain together for the rest of our lives. I am sorrowful that Charles’ desires were not aligned with mine.
I’m also disheartened that Charles accepted countless meals and gifts from me over six years as I continued to pray for a healing of our relationship. If only he had possessed the integrity to tell me immediately, he had given his life to another, I would have realized, there was no need to hope. Now, my prayers are for my healing, as God walks with me. Hebrews 13:5, NKJ, “…For He Himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.”