Big “C”

It happened a year ago; it crept in silently, dressed in obscure clothing, so it wouldn’t be detected. It caused me to grasp my faith more tightly than ever. It reminded me I was alone, with no one there to be with me; no friends, or family to hold my hand and sit with me.  It was just me and this villain. Would it hold me hostage or take my life? What I did know was that no matter what it chose to do with me, God  would remain no matter the outcome.

It took three of my four grandparents, my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Had it now chosen to take me? Examination followed examination and with each visit, leading me to another, the outcome appeared to be more realistic than the last. Then when I was told, we’re sending you to an oncologist, it was “Big C”, the word so many dread; cancer. The only real fear I had was knowing I was alone.

In the past seven plus years that I have been alone, there have been three surgeries, countless hospital visits and illnesses. Awakening in the night and struggling to get to the bathroom or becoming physically ill as I often missed making it before emptying my stomach, were the realities of having no one at my side.  Through it all, God reminded me of His promises.

He couldn’t hold my hand, get me a glass of water, bring me a basin as I was ill or a fresh warm cloth to wipe my face and brow, but I had to know, He knew and understood. He didn’t choose for me to be alone; another did.  Nonetheless, I realized I would get through this as I had other trials, dozens of times over these past years. They had been difficult, but what would it be like to now face cancer alone?

What a blessing and joy it was when my beloved brother and sister-in-law noted they would not allow me to go into the surgery unaccompanied. They would make the 2,200- mile round trip to be at my side. Even though they couldn’t remain long, they would be there when I felt the most alone; as I was wheeled into the operating room.

Big “C” had fooled me this time, but perhaps next time it will be reality. Even though still alone, I know I can handle whatever comes my way because I truly know the one that holds tomorrow. Deuteronomy 31:6 NKJ, “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

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