You Will Have Blue

As I opened my Facebook page yesterday, I read a posting by a friend written by Lynne Brace Lapp:

Green Eyes

Green is the rarest of eye colors, naturally occurring in only 2% of the world’s population. It is the only eye color that changes; becoming more green, gray or blue based on mood, weather and surroundings.

People with green eyes are often leaders. They tend to be good listeners and excellent speakers, attracting other people like magnets. Naturally curious and very intuitive, the green-eyed person is always easy to talk to and makes an excellent lover. Tough, quick-witted and caring, they also make wonderful friends.

As I read this, my own green eyes immediately filled with tears. Even though not all of these traits accurately portray me, some do. Nonetheless, I was taken aback in time over 40 decades earlier when the very topic of my eye color was one of those melancholy memories which remains indelible on my heart.

My then husband, Charles and I had recently arrived in Ft. Benning, GA for his basic training as an officer in the US Army.  I had been awaiting him in our car while he completed the required forms for entry onto the base. As Charles returned, he handed me the papers, requesting that I “hold them.” Scanning the documents, I realized there was also personal data pertaining to me. As I continued to read, the portion of the form which stated, “color of eyes”, Charles had written “blue.”

I immediately queried him. Sobbing, I asked “why did you list my eyes as blue?  Have you never looked into my eyes?” I was pregnant with our first child. We had been married for almost 3 years. My mind was racing wildly. I queried him again, asking if he had ever looked into my eyes.  I thought of the dozens of compliments I had received over this God- given asset during the past 23 years of my life. Anytime I wore a green garment, the green in my eyes appeared more vivid.

My tears, cries and pleas for an understanding were all received with Charles’ typical antagonism toward me. “I wanted you to have blue eyes”, so that is what I wrote. I cried for what seemed like hours. Why did he so blatantly change something about me?  I never knew until this very minute that when given the opportunity, he would change his dislikes of me to satisfy his desires. I attempted to remind him, that “writing blue” didn’t alter the color of my eyes.

That was only one of hundreds of excruciating insults from him. It alerted me then and for the duration of our 44-year marriage, that I wasn’t the wife Charles desired, but I was the person God created. Psalm 139: 13-14 NIV “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

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