If Only

Have you ever watched a movie or television show which caused a whirlwind of cognitive impetus? I just concluded a fictional television segment which was poignant, as it paralleled all our lives. What would happen if we totally altered our life with a different decision?

This scenario was about a federal law enforcement officer that killed a drug lord. Some of the drug lord’s team then murdered the officer’s wife and daughter. During the course of the show, the actor had to re-live many details of his life on choices he made. How often, I’ve heard people say, “if only I hadn’t taken that route, there wouldn’t have been that fatal vehicle accident” or , “if only I hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have become ill” of “if I hadn’t allowed my child to go outside, he wouldn’t have been injured”. On and on, the list goes.  The “If only’s” in life can bog us down if we allow them to do so.

In this mentioned program, the wife came back to remind the husband of all the good he did for others following her death and that of  their daughter.  He continued to grieve and say, “but I would still have both of you. We would still be a family.”  Unfortunately, in our lives, those taken in death can’t come back to tell us our lives have been productive despite their deaths. Even those that left us and are still alive don’t come to tell us the decisions we’ve made since their departure have been beneficial to  others.

This was a heartrending program from the aspect of reminding  us as Christians, we know God’s hand is in what occurs  in our lives, no matter the outcome. Yesterday, there was another door which God “slammed shut.” I was okay because I had prayed diligently to know His will. As I told someone recently, I never  “pry open” any door God closes. I know people that choose to open a door God closes, but are often disappointed with the results.

My desire to leave Edmond is great, for not only are there sorrowful memories, but like the television program, there are hundreds of “if only’s.”  I pass by neighborhoods where my then husband, Charles and I lived as a couple or a family with our children. I could say “if only” Charles had not relocated us so often?

I never leave my neighborhood, driving west without being reminded that over forty years ago it was  “that”  neighborhood, Charles fell in love with his mistress. She was often a guest in our home, and he kept track of her for years, knowing someday, he could be with her. This was also the neighborhood where we reared our children and they have life-long friends from that era.

“If only’s” can overpower us if we aren’t dependent on God’s strength.   His plans are greater than my “if only’s”  Isaiah 55: 8 NKJ, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord.”



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