Category: blessings

As the summer drew to a close, there were other escapades with Clyde and Sharon, but none as harrowing as the broken window accident. With each passing year, our family’s level of poverty increased. There were no birthday or holiday celebrations. However, once a year our local fire department held a fall festival on Halloween night. The town’s children of all ages and income were welcomed for homemade chili, treats and a night of games and prizes.

My excitement had continued to increase from the moment I first heard about it until the day of the event. There was so little happiness in our family, but tonight would be a wonderful memory.  Little did I realize my excitement would turn to sadness within a matter of hours.

When Dad arrived home, he noticed soap on some of the windows. With Dad’s harsh interrogation, I readily admitted I was the guilty one. My classmates said they were going to soap windows as a traditional Halloween event. I wanted to be accepted as one of the “cool kids” in town.  I soaped only a few windows, enough that when queried the next day, I could exclaim I too had participated in such an adventuresome tradition.

Upon confessing to my crime, Dad hastened to deal with what he deemed a most dastardly deed.  As he immediately removed his large, leather belt, I knew the beating awaiting me. I thought the beating would be sufficient, but not to Dad.  Following my beating, I was forced to remain at home scrubbing all windows, including those not soaped. While my siblings and other children were attending the fireman’s party, I sobbed and pleaded for Dad’s mercy.

I carried the bucket of water from window to window; my hands numb and painful from the water and cold, northern OH night air. The few soaped windows could have easily been cleaned the following night, but Dad insisted I receive the maximum punishment that very night.

When my schoolmates passed by querying if I was attending the party, my moans and cries could be heard for several houses away. I continued to plead with Dad to go to the party. His word was law; “no.”  Only months earlier Dad tearfully stated I had assisted in saving my sister’s life. Now I was being unjustly punished for a childhood prank. No windows were damaged or broken. Nonetheless, my spirit and heart were shattered.

Such incidents reminded me my parents not only viewed me as someone that completed their household chores and tasks, but their refusal to accept me as their 8 year-old daughter that sought to be a child.  It was as though my siblings and I lived in different homes. They were free to play and relish their lives as children.

I can now reflect on those times realizing there would be more times of disappointment. However, I learned at a young age God was with me in all situations. He gave me the strength to endure iniquitous individuals and the disillusionments they bestowed and a reminder He would never forsake me.

Colossians 3:21 NKJ, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

 

 

How I yearned to be a child; to enjoy my life as all the other children. Yet as a missionary friend of our family’s cited frequently, “Janie, you were born an adult. You were never permitted to be a child.” I now realize that God was preparing me for a life filled with challenges beyond comprehension. Had I not learned to be self-sufficient and a care-giver at my young age, when the tempests of life came, I would have been unprepared.

During those years in OH as our family moved from house to house and town to town, there were several memorable incidents. One of the most paramount was  during a summer in the 1950’s. As the eight-year-old care giver of my siblings, I was fulfilling my role as the family laundress on the first floor of our house when I heard an agonizing shriek coming from upstairs. I left the hot iron and ironing board, vaulting up the stairs to discover my brother awe struck while my three-year-old sister stood on the bed, a bloody hair brush in her hand, blood pouring down her arm, as the sun glisten off a jagged, broken window.

Certainly, at age eight, I had no training as a nurse or doctor, but God imparted me with the calmness and knowledge to do what was necessary in this dire emergency. As my brother and sister were jumping on the bed, the hair brush which Sharon held in her hands, was thrust into the window. Still grasping the brush, as she pulled her arm into the room, the window tore a large and deep gash in her upper arm. I clutched my younger sister grabbing a blanket from the bed as I raced down the stairs into the kitchen. I gently sat her on the blanket on the kitchen floor, while dashing to grab a towel and tightly wrapping it around her arm. At age four, my brother understood the urgency as I screeched, “you stay here with Sharon, while I run to get Mom and Dad.”

Following my Dad’s recovery from his injury, my parents opened a drapery installation business in the town where we now resided. It seemed as though I was running for miles to alert my parents of Sharon’s accident. Upon arriving to the security of realizing my parents could now come to take care of her, I screamed, “come quickly, Sharon was badly hurt.” Returning to that house and town, years later, as an adult, the home was at least two miles from my parents’ business. I then realized why it seemed like such a long distance for an eight- year- old in distress.

When my parents returned from the hospital emergency room with my sister, my father was crying. It was the only time in my entire life Dad was sincerely appreciative of my actions. As the tears washed his face, he said “Janie, if not for your actions, the doctor said your sister could have bled to death.” Before the summer ended, there were other mishaps, but I was grateful, not as serious as my sibling’s gymnastics on their bed.

I Timothy 5:8 ESV, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

As I shared in my last blog, at age five, I understood roller skating to my neighbor; Auntie Alice was a respite from the chaos of my home. Due to my father’s injury, my mother had become the sole financial provider for our family of seven.

As a result of my grandmother’s extreme mental illness when she was not a patient in the state mental hospital, her care was shared between my mother and maternal uncle. As a child, my heart ached to see my grandmother’s mental and emotional condition, sobbing when visiting her at the hospital.  Although young, I understood these patients’ dignity and self-respect were striped away. They were treated only slightly better than a family pet.

Therefore, even though Grandma was a challenge, I was always happy she was with us. She didn’t always grasp her surroundings, but I did. With Grandma’s illness and my father’s injury, neither of them could care for us children. I was designated the day-time care giver for my brother, less than two years of age and my sister, an infant.

This was not discussed, but mandated. As my mother departed daily for her employment at the local green house,  she left bottles of milk for my sister and instructions to change her diapers often. I was also instructed to prepare lunch.

Mom’s arrival home was seldom pleasant. Her mood was agitated. Now as an adult, I realize the burden of caring for our family of five, plus the challenges of her mentally ill mother and the addition of my uncle, was solely on her tiny, frail shoulders. Mom never had the life she had desired. Thus, her unfulfilled dreams also altered my life as a child and later as an adult.

The charming house in northern OH which Dad built himself, would become a mere memory. For my parents, it was the last home they would own until almost twenty years later. Our residence there was short-term following Dad’s accident. In less than five years, our family of five moved six separate times.

Because I had been given the role of “care-giver”,  I was also assigned the task of maid and chef during my mother’s absence. As the boxes were moved into an aged, rented farmhouse, I was instructed to unpack all the kitchen items and place them in the cabinets. My memory is as vivid today as then. I had to walk on the counters to reach the tall cabinets, but my task was completed without breaking even one glass or dish.

What a tremendous disappointment when less than 72 hours later, my Dad announced we were moving from that house into another. All the work of unpacking was now left to me to repack. This would be the saga of moving in and out of homes in four different OH towns over the next four years.

Hebrews 6:10 NIV, “God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.”

As I hung the skate key around my neck and strapped on my roller skates, it was my way to “take flight” from the reality of life. The house at the end of our tree-lined street in northern Ohio was a “safe haven”; a place for me to find a hug and always a treat. Auntie Alice, as I fondly called, Alice Sharp was a neighbor, full time house wife and mother of a young adult son and a daughter whom had drown in Lake Huron when she was five years of age, several years earlier.

Auntie Alice became a surrogate “mother” for me and I,  a substitute daughter for her. Our friendship remained for many years, but the frequent moves of my family diminished the friendship as I could no longer “drop in” for those sweet times of fellowship. I now realize Alice comprehended  my life was more of a challenge than any five-year-old should endure.

Her 1940’s home with the large wrap around porch possessing a wicker swing, seemed like a fairy- tale castle to me, filled with treasures my young senses had never experienced.  Her parlor was laden with beautiful tapestry chairs and love seats, but the showpiece was the player piano. When hearing it, I longed to learn to play the piano, but it would be years before the dream became a reality.

Aromas filled the air which I desired for our own home; fresh flowers and home baked cookies, breads or cakes. These sweet treats were always enjoyed with lemonade or a cold glass of milk on Auntie Alice’s sunny screened in porch or her garden filled with the fragrant flowers which bedecked her home. I was also intrigued with the beautiful summer cottage in Auntie Alice’s garden. The cottage had a fireplace and furniture with gorgeous, floral cushions, which appeared to have been freshly picked from her garden.

The large garage was designed with an upstairs apartment, which I deemed would make a great hideaway where I could reside.  This young girl was convinced Auntie Alice truly lived in a castle. Our home at the end of the street, built by the hands of my skilled, carpenter father was new and lovely, but modest compared to Auntie Alice’s fine home.

With seven family members residing in our two-bedroom, one bath house, it seemed smaller than it actually was. It did however have a basement which had been my parents’ home before Dad built the primary residence. Our immediate family of five consisted also of my paternal, teen-aged uncle and my widowed maternal grandmother suffering from paranoid schizophrenia.

Tragically, my father sustained a broken back when falling from a second story scaffold while working in his profession as a carpenter. This fall left my father partially incapacitated for several months. This was a tremendous setback for the family, but also for me as a child. My life as a care free child ended the day of my father’s accident.

I learned at a young age that life would never be one of joy, but God would be with me.  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you…”

Did you experience grace today? I’m sure most of you did, even if you didn’t recognize it as grace. Christine Hoover cited “receiving an e-mail that said, thank you for giving me grace.” She noted hearing that phrase “a thousand times but, for some reason, this particular time stuck with me for several days.”

Christine continued by saying she hadn’t done anything significant to receive a thank you of grace. As I shared previously, what does it mean to give grace to another. Recalling Chuck Swindoll’s words “to show grace is to extend favor or kindness to one who doesn’t deserve and can never earn it”, so do any of us deserve grace? Have we been so special, so wonderful or outstanding that we deserve a kindness from others? Probably not!

Grace isn’t a free pass that allows us to throw off all restraint under the guise of Christ. Grace, the unmerited favor of God poured out on us by our faith in Christ, is a compelling change agent that, when received, teaches us how to live. Tim Keller says, “The gospel devours the very motivation you have for sin. It completely saps your very need and reason to live any way you want. Anyone who insists the gospel encourages us to sin has simply not understood it yet, nor begun to feel it’s power.”

When I went to the doctor yesterday for my post-op appointment, I mentioned to the nurse that I was so hopeful I could drive sooner than three weeks. She smiled and said, “did you think you were special?” That was a “gotcha” moment…no I know I’m not special, but I was hopeful.

I’ve done nothing special to have my friend from church transport me to the hospital and return me home which consumed her entire day. I’m not special that she again picked me up and took me to the doctor for my follow up appointment. Her grace for me was a gift.

Grace can be hard to give, if we don’t have a heart for giving and certainly don’t desire to forgive. Michele Mayer cites How People Grow by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend. Our ability to offer grace to others, “comes to us through the grace of God as He loves and forgives us.”

Michele continues, “most of us, even operating in our own inner strength, seem to have the ability to extend grace to someone we love, but who occasionally does something to upset us. Nobody’s perfect, right?”  Yet, there are members of families whom even though state they love another, refuse to offer that person grace. Grace and forgiveness are gifts we offer ourselves as much as the other person. It allows us to be free of the bitterness and resentment we carry toward another.

What would happen if every person opted to give grace to just one person that day? Can you imagine the impact it would make on our lives?

I Cor. 15:10 NIV, “but by grace of God, I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect…”

I prepared for the 2-3 week recuperation; off my feet totally. I built my “nest” of reading, writing and knitting, to fill the long days of being alone. Then “wham” as often happens with post-surgery recovery, there was a setback.  Now what? It’s time to watch the numerous recorded movies for a “rainy” day and in this case a “sick day.” When the recordings were depleted, there were the subscription channels.

“Feel good movies”! just what I needed when already a little melancholy about being in isolation for several weeks. There is always a lesson to be learned with every page of our lives. These past few days were no different. I experienced almost every emotion while viewing these quality movies; some based on true life stories, other movies reminding me of blessings of our lives.

One of my favorite movies was Grace Card. What is grace? We all hear about it and know the greatest gift of grace was from our Lord as He sent His son to give us eternal life. Yet our fellow mankind speaks often of grace to others. Bible scholar, Donald Barnhouse cited grace as, “love that goes upward is worship; love that goes outward is affection; love that stoops down is grace.”

Chuck Swindoll describes grace this way, “Jesus never used the word grace. He just taught it and, equally important He lived it. Understanding what grace means requires…going back to an old Hebrew term…to include the idea of “condescending favor.”

Chuck continues by saying, “to show grace is to extend favor or kindness to one who doesn’t deserve it and can never earn it. Every time the thought of grace appears, there is the idea of its being undeserved. In no way is the recipient getting what he or she deserves. Favor is being extended simply out of the goodness of the heart of the giver.”

Have you received grace? Do you offer grace? Have you spoken an unkind word against another and yet refused to apologize or seek their forgiveness? Yet, when you saw them, they chose to greet you with a smile and perhaps a hug. That was grace.

Perhaps on the contrary you have reached out to someone that harmed you physically or emotionally.  Less than two years ago, I became aware of someone who brought me tremendous, emotional pain eight years ago, by taking someone from my life whom I loved deeply.

I realized the relationship she chose to begin was not solely her choice, yet I desired to offer grace. I attempted to talk to her, to let her know I didn’t blame her alone for the unfathomable agony I was experiencing. After attempting to speak with her in person and on the phone, she refused all opportunity for me to extend grace. Is this still grace if the recipient doesn’t accept it? TO BE CONTINUED

I Cor 15:10 NIV, “but by the grace of God, I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect…”

“Appreciation is the joy felt in seeing the good in something or someone. It is a mental state that imparts happiness and motivates you to act. Gratitude means, “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” -Gustavo Razzetti

When queried, “is it rude to not say thank you,”, John Strecker a VP with his company noted, “in a word yes. For someone to do something for you is a gift and any gift should be both appreciated and acknowledged with a heartfelt thank you. To avoid expressing your appreciation, and or not being appreciative of a gift in the first place, reveals you as either a troglodyte or a Narcissist. Neither of which is generally considered a positive trait. On the other hand, to be kind and considerate enough to do something for another human being is exemplary human behavior and deserving of recognition. If someone is fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of a kind effort, they should consider themselves blessed.”

As previously stated, research on appreciation, gratitude and the ability to readily offer “thank you”, could fill hundreds of pages. These are not only traits of appreciative and caring people, but a philosophy embraced by many as a component of a gratified life. Repeatedly, studies validate that cheerful individuals possessing self-confidence are most readily those willing to extend gratitude to others.

Dr. Susan Whitbourne, PhD cited “research on gratitude training shows even an ingrate can change.” Dr. Whitbourne, shares research from Ruppin Academic Center; Israel. “People who don’t express gratitude are missing out on an important potential source of fulfillment. As they note, gratitude correlates with positive feelings, prosocial behavior and physical health.” The study consisting of 150 participants was comprised of different types of situations which would cause varying degrees of appreciation or lack thereof.

The research validated what I have found to be factual with some of the individuals in my own life, “they’re high on entitlement, and they expect others to go out of their way to offer assistance.” However, realizing that people don’t owe us, and that each kindness is not required, is a gift which  certainly instills more peace and happiness.

I will continue to do for others and there will be those ungrateful and unappreciative individuals, who will offend me with their rudeness. However, this won’t negate me from doing what God instills in my heart. My acts of giving can be as simple as allowing a person to “cut ahead of me” in a shopping or traffic lane; to going out of my way to assist them emotionally and/or financially. I’m not seeking a “thank you”, but offering a gift. E. Hubbard quotes, “I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than to have things I am not able to appreciate.”

I Thess. 5:18 NKJ “In everything give thanks for this is the will of God…”

 

 

 

It need not be a grandiose gesture or gift which requires a word or note of appreciation. A simple kindness can be as cherished and with such value as an expensive gift. Why then are so many acts “expected” or “taken for granted?” Some of my most treasured gifts of thoughtfulness were those I never expected. Gustavo Razzetti, “life doesn’t owe you anything. Appreciation means stop taking everything for granted.”

For the past eight years I have spent holidays, birthdays and special events alone. A little past 7:00 a.m. on my birthday in 2019, the doorbell rang. I was perplexed as I was new to the area, residing in a small rental house away from all which was familiar. I had a few acquaintances, but no friends. When I opened the door, it was joy beyond measure. Someone I had met in church only a few months prior knew it was my birthday. She realized, I would be spending it alone and wanted me to know she was thinking of me.

She drove over 40 miles round trip to tell me she cared.  That single act of kindness has brought me smiles and exultation for over a year. It will last for years to come. Someone went out of their way to let me know I mattered. I was overjoyed to send my gratitude for such a magnificent act of benevolence.

As Peter Bregman cites, “saying “thank you” is mostly an emotional act. It connects one person to another. Saying “thank you” doesn’t just acknowledge someone’s effort, thoughtfulness, intent or action. It acknowledges the person himself.”

The person that chooses to disregard the kindness granted them by another, is indirectly saying “I have far greater value than you. You don’t deserve to be thanked.” Mr. Bergman also notes, “it doesn’t take long to say, “thank you”, but it does take caring.” I can’t agree more. If someone cared enough to proffer a kindness, the recipient should care enough to return a “thank you.”

Years ago, a relative informed me that I spend more time and money on a thank you note and stamp than was spent on the actual gift. Additionally, she informed me, she was taught you don’t have to offer a “thank you” to family. How the words of my mother-in-law, Alta echoed in my mind and heart when I heard that.  Alta noted, she didn’t believe in having things “only for guests”, as her family was more significant than any guest in her home.

Her words from over fifty years ago were imprinted on my heart and mind. Why then if we could thank others for kindheartedness toward us, would we not give our family the same courtesy? I agree there have been times the cost of the note and postage were greater than the gift. However, I have always believed when anyone does something “from their heart” it is a gift whose value is incalculable.

I Thess. 5:18 NKJ “In everything give thanks for this is the will of God…” TO BE CONTINUED!

My journey of gratitude and appreciation began at a young age; even before I entered school. My earliest memory of showing thankfulness was from my maternal, widowed grandmother who didn’t own even a home nor automobile. Her entire wealth consisted solely of a few dishes, pieces of furniture, clothing and accessories.  Widowed in her thirties with two young children, she instilled in her children and then her grandchildren that people aren’t obligated to offer kindness to others. When they do, such gifts must always be received with gratitude.

My grandmother’s financial funds were meager as a live-in care giver for a widower, residing in a rural OH community. During my infrequent outings to visit Grandma, occasionally a dairy truck making milk deliveries to the area residents stopped along his route to sell ice cream bars. If Grandma had an additional nickel; the cost of these treats, she would indulge me. However, I have always recalled the realization this treat might be rescinded if I failed to offer the two words Grandma was seeking. She looked at me with her stern, glaring eyes and said, “what do you say?” Initially, I was clueless.  When Grandma said, “you will get this ice cream only if you say, “thank you.” I rapidly learned the significance of this short, but invaluable phrase.

“Thank you”, two words which can impart tremendous power. When not granted, their absence can cause hurt feelings and emotions which may linger for years. As I began my research on the expectations of offering thanks, I was delighted to discern, my intense opinion of anyone not granting appreciation is embraced by many. Studies and research have been conducted by psychologists, sociologists, clergy and countess others as to the positive and negative effects of both receiving and withholding thankfulness toward others. Due to the vast information on this subject, this topic will be covered over several writings.

Most of us don’t extend kindnesses to others as a mode of receiving, “thank you”. Yet, we are frequently taken aback that our benevolence is expected rather than received as a gift. Recently, I presented kindness to an individual not once, but twice within less than 48 hours.  I purchased a ticket for this individual to attend the second event which resulted in receiving several lovely gifts. When she learned she would be receiving an additional gift at the conclusion, she rapidly departed to be the first in line for another “freebie.” Yet, now weeks later, there has never been a word of appreciation.

K. Deal when citing whether or not a person was taught such manners, noted, “saying thank you is a courtesy that one can learn. Secondly, why don’t you thank others? Are you too entitled to say thank you? Are you too lazy to say thank you?…not saying thank you is rude, unacceptable, and extremely irritating. Not saying thank you shows a lack of compassion and appreciation for the people around you.”

I Thess. 5:18 NKJ, “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God…” TO BE CONTINUED

Raindrops keep falling from my eyes. Yes, for as long as I recall, my tears have flowed easily and abundantly. I cry when I’m extremely happy and certainly when I’m sad. I weep at weddings and cry when I see a newborn baby. I’ve shed countless tears over people being mistreated and when I see animals abused.

Are my tear drops a sign of weakness? Some would say yes, but I have thanked God countless times that He gave me the emotions to care so deeply for others. However, I recall being counseled upon accepting a new position at a small, family, owned company that tears would cause a prompt termination. It was cited tears were such a significant sign of weakness that the family’s church denomination forbade any of their members from allowing even one tear to fall.

Whenever I felt I might cry, I immediately removed myself from the room. I will forever remember receiving a telephone call while at work and being unable to control the tears. As the owner of the company and his mother sat a few yards away, I was fighting the tears as diligently as I could, but they fell. I was hoping by quickly wiping them away, it would save my job, but it didn’t. As promised, I was terminated instantly. To them, I was fainthearted. It didn’t matter what experience I had or that I had endured years of difficulty and was indeed a very strong and determined individual. They concluded those tears were a determent and I was a liability.

As I recently sat during my quiet time, Chuck Swindoll’s words in his devotion leapt off the page, shouting to me as I read them, “tears have a language all their own, needing no interpreter. In some mysterious way, our inner-communication system knows its verbal limitations and the tears come.  Eyes that flashed and sparkled moments before are flooded.”

“Tears are not self-conscious. They can spring upon us when we are in public or standing beside others who look to us for strength.  Tears may flow during the singing of a majestic hymn or when lost in some nostalgic memory or wrestling in soul searching prayer. Did you know that God takes special notice of your tears?”

“A teardrop on earth summons the King of heaven. Rather than being ashamed or disappointed, the Lord takes note when our hard times are oiled by tears. He turns these situations into moments of tenderness. He never forgets the crisis of our lives when tears were shed. One of the great drawbacks of our society is its’ reluctance to show tears.”

Thank you Chuck for this reminder. I have never felt shame at my tears. I have however been embarrassed at times that they flow as freely as they do, but most people understand these are truly God’s raindrops.

Psalms 56:8 NLT “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.”